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Derek J. Goodman is a young writer currently living in Wisconsin.  His work has appeared in publications such as Revolution Sci-Fi, Space Squid, Gods and Monsters, and Shred of Evidence (under the name Tobi Schultz).  His newest books, Things of Loose Reality and Beliel Rose, are available for purchase at www.lulu.com/derekjgoodman.

Whitenoise's Sister
 

Derek J. Goodman

            Neither Cecile nor Eric could think of anything to say to each other as they left DiGianno’s Italian Restaurant, and that’s probably why they were able to hear the commotion down the street.  The battle was far enough away that they wouldn’t have been able to hear it if they’d been chatting, and if they’d been staring into each other’s eyes like love-struck teenagers (like they had been when they’d gone inside) then they wouldn’t have noticed the light show.  But that wasn’t the case, so they both noticed right away there were a bunch of superbeings locked in an epic battle only five blocks away.

            “Crap,” Cecile said.  There was a tired, resigned note in her voice, but that most likely would have been there anyway, super battle or not.  She rummaged through her purse for a cigarette, then remembered she’d thrown them away months earlier.  If she had known about everything that was going to happen tonight, she would have stocked extras.  “Guess we’re going to have to pay extra for a taxi to go around that.”

            “Probably not going to find one,” Eric said.  Although he sounded awfully sure of himself, he wouldn’t meet her eyes.  Instead, he stared down and absently caressed his right pocket.  Cecile didn’t want to see that right now.  She didn’t even want to think about it.  All she wanted was to go back to their apartment and maybe polish off that bottle of brandy in the cupboard.

            “We’ll find a taxi,” Cecile said.  “It’s not like they all just stop doing their job simply because a bunch of heroes and villains are making asses of themselves in public.”  As she spoke a massively built man in white and silver spandex picked up a taxi from where it was parked on the side of the street and tossed it at a woman in a blue cape flying towards him.  The taxi clipped her leg, and she went spinning through the air as the taxi crashed through a store window.

            “Or we could just walk,” Eric said.  From the way he said it he must have found humor in the situation.  She loved him dearly, and they agreed on many things, but when anyone started talking about superbeings he went all giddy.  It made her want to smack him.  When Eric looked at them he saw the epic fight between good and evil, the struggle for truth, justice, and whatever.  When Cecile looked at them she saw vigilanteism, property damage, and universe-spanning crisis events that reset the timeline in new and annoying ways.

            She saw something else this time, too, and she quickly turned away from the melee in the hopes no one had recognized her.  The battle was raging too fast and furious for her to be positive how many superbeings were involved, but Cecile thought she’d seen at least seven.  Three of them looked like heroes, although the only one she’d recognized for sure had been Colonel Victory.  The other four she most definitely recognized as villains.  The matching white and silver spandex costumes were new, but the faces were too familiar.

            “Come on,” Cecile said and started walking in the opposite direction of the battle.  “We’re not so far from the apartment that we can’t walk if we have to.”

            Eric hesitated before following her, looking back every so often when there was a particularly interesting sounding explosion.  Once they turned the corner there were no other signs of what was going on a few blocks away except for the relative emptiness of the streets.  The more sensible people in this section of the city were hiding just in case the battle came this way.  Everyone else had taken up strategic positions on the sidelines where they could cheer their favorite heroes on.  The street had an eerie sort of quiet that Cecile found comforting.  Eric, of course, had to ruin it.

            “About what I said in the restaurant….”

            Cecile whirled on her heels to face him and jabbed him in the chest with an index finger.  The streetlights around them flickered, although Eric didn’t appear to notice, and Cecile tried to calm herself before talking.  “I told you I had to think about it, and if you keep bringing it up, I’m just going to have to say no outright.”

            “Cecile….”

            “I know your feelings on all this, and I guess I thought I knew mine, but there are other issues here that I don’t feel ready to….”

            “Cecile, there’s a villain standing behind you.”

            There was a loud and echoing squelching noise that sounded halfway between a fart and a growling stomach, and a shimmering beam of some oil-looking substance shot over Cecile’s shoulder to hit Eric square in the face.  His nose scrunched up as though he had just smelled something truly atrocious before he collapsed on the pavement.  Cecile stared down at his prone form, sighed, and then turned around.

            Cecile had seen the woman dodging energy blasts earlier.  She was wearing the same white and silver suit as the other three villains, complete with the giant silver W across her chest (which, Cecile noted, seemed to have grown since the last time she’d seen her.  Maybe she’d used all that stolen money from the last bank robbery for a boob job). Her fire-red hair was pulled back into a utilitarian ponytail, and she had her fists on her hips in a mock-heroic pose.  The woman smiled.

            “Hello Cecile.”

            Cecile put a hand to her head.  She felt a headache coming on.  “Hey Toxika.”  If the night wasn’t long enough already, it was going to be even longer now.

#

             Cecile’s Healthy Living restaurant was closed, and all the other employees had gone home by the time Eric ran up and started pounding on the front door.  Normally Cecile hated being interrupted when she was finishing up the paperwork for the day, but this time she didn’t mind so much.  It was about time for the talk she’d been meaning to have with him.

            She let Eric in and he immediately sat down at the nearest table.  He was sweating like he had run all the way there, but that was probably just from the sickness.  He was still in his clothes from last night.  It had taken all of Cecile’s energy to get him home, and she’d been too tired to do anything more than take off his shoes and set a vomit bucket next to him.  Not all of his puke had made it into the bucket though—a small spot of what looked like marinara sauce had landed on his shirt.

            “You could have at least changed before coming by,” Cecile said.

            “I had to make sure you were okay.  You weren’t answering the phone.”

            Cecile shrugged.  She hadn’t answered the phone because it hadn’t wrung, but that was most likely her fault.  She’d been distracted all day, so quite a few things around the restaurant hadn’t been working right.

            “Didn’t you get the note I left?  It was right next to your puke bucket.”

            “I saw it, but it just seemed so calm.  It didn’t seem right, especially from you.  I mean, correct me if I just dreamed the whole thing, but weren’t we attacked by one of the Wraths last night?”

            Cecile nodded.  “Toxika.  But I wouldn’t really call that an attack.  That was more her version of playfully jabbing you in the ribs.”

            Eric went pale.  “Oh God, she hit me with one of those bio-blast things of hers, didn’t she?”

            “Yeah, but don’t worry, she didn’t use her full power.  Basically, she gave you the mother of all twenty-four hour flu bugs.”

            “Did she hurt you?”

            Cecile snorted.  “No, she just wanted to hit me up for some cash.”

            “You mean she robbed you?” Eric grabbed her hand and adopted a wide-eyed, worried expression on his face.  Cecile couldn’t help but smile. 

            “Well, technically she said she was borrowing it, but since I don’t expect her to ever pay it back, you might as well call it robbery.”

            Cecile couldn’t really say she had seen anyone look befuddled before.  Confused maybe, but not befuddled.  That, however, was the only word she could think of that did justice to the look on Eric’s face.

            Cecile sat across from Eric and held his hands in hers, but she had trouble looking him in the eye.  “Look, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was scared to bring it up.  I don’t think I have any choice but to tell you now.”  She forced herself to look straight at him.  “Cecile Anderson isn’t my real name.  I mean, it’s my legal name now, but it’s not the name on my birth certificate.”

            Eric wasn’t stupid.  He probably already had an idea what she was going to say next, but that didn’t mean it was any less of a shock.

            “My original name is Whitenoise Wrath.”

            He thought about it for several seconds, opened his mouth to speak, thought about it some more, and then finally said, “They actually named you Whitenoise?”

            Cecile blushed.  “Um, yeah.  Ever since I was born I’ve had the ability to interfere with electronics or any sort of electrical signal.  Haven’t you ever noticed how the TV won’t work when I’m angry or the way lights burn brighter when I’m happy or….”  She paused and smiled.  “Or the way car alarms always go off outside when we have sex?”

            Eric didn’t smile back, but he didn’t seem quite so shocked anymore.  “So you’re saying you’re part of the Wrath family.”

            “Unfortunately, yes.”

            “And that would make Toxika Wrath….”

            “My sister.”

            “And the whole health food restaurant thing is just a front so the world doesn’t know you’re a costumed villain?”

            “No!”  Cecile let go of his hand.  “I haven’t done any of that since I was a teenager.  I try to have as little to do with my family as possible, but you know how families are.”

            Eric scratched his head, and Cecile let her body start to relax without realizing how tense she’d been.  He hadn’t outright yelled at her.  That was a good sign.  “But if you used to do all that with your family, then how come I’ve never heard of Whitenoise Wrath before?”

            “That’s because I’m actually a continuity inconsistency from an alternate reality.  You see, when Quantimar the Time Lord stole the Eternity Shoe, he….”  Eric stared at her with wide eyes.  “You know what?  Forget it.  Doesn’t matter.  The point is I’m not Whitenoise anymore.  I’m Cecile.”  She gestured at the restaurant around them.  “Instead of trying to destroy the world, I serve tofu.  I know some people might try to argue that they’re pretty much the same thing, but….”  She trailed off, and they both sat in silence for almost a minute. 

            When Eric finally spoke it was only slightly louder than a whisper.  “Were you embarrassed?  Is that why you never told me?”

            Cecile looked down at her hands.  “Mostly, although there’s also the possibility that there are still warrants out for my arrest in three states.”

            “Well, I’m not going to turn you in,” he said.  Cecile felt his hand touch hers.  It was still clammy, but the sensation was pleasant anyway.  She looked up to see him smiling.  “I love you for who you are now.  Whatever you may have been in the past, that doesn’t change anything.”

            Despite herself, Cecile smiled back.

            “And that’s the reason you acted the way you did last night at DiGianno’s?”

            Cecile nodded, and her heart started beating faster.  Last night at dinner had been a shock, but she hadn’t allowed herself to get excited.  Now, however, she couldn’t help herself.

            “Then I hope you don’t mind if I ask you again,” Eric said and reached for the bulge in his pocket.  When Toxika had seen it last night she’d wanted to take it, and even though Cecile has been tempted to let her, she had decided against it.  He took out the tiny felt-covered box and opened it once again.  The ring inside was exactly as Cecile remembered it, complete with the largest diamond she’d ever seen that she hadn’t stolen.

            “Cecile… Whitenoise.  Whatever.  Will you marry me?”

            This time there was no hesitation.  “Yes.”

#

             Cecile wanted nothing more at that moment than to go home with Eric and set off more car alarms, but she had paperwork to finish, and Eric had to shower off any errant streaks of vomit before she would touch him.  She locked the door and walked back to her office with the same goofy grin on her face that she’d often made fun of on other women.  She was only slightly surprised to see Toxika sitting on her desk.

            “I told you I would pay you back,” Toxika said, handing Cecile an envelope containing exactly the amount Cecile had lent her last night.

            “This better not be stolen,” Cecile said.

            “Of course it isn’t.  It’s from my share of the ransom.”  Cecile held up her hands in an I-don’t-want-to-know gesture.

            “I don’t really even care how you got in,” Cecile said, “but I want you out.  Now.”

            “Hey now, aren’t you at least going to let me stay long enough to see your rock?”

            Cecile smiled despite herself and held out her hand for Toxika to see.

            “Nice.  Hey, are going to let me be in your wedding?”

            Later on Cecile would have the first of many nightmares involving super battles at her wedding reception, but for now she just put on the calmest face she could.  “We’ll see.”

            “I’m just kidding,” Toxika said.  “Me and the rest of the fam probably won’t even be here for it.  Dad and Mom have big plans this summer to take over a distant intergalactic empire.  Sure you don’t want to just skip the whole marriage thing and join us again?  Should be fun.”

            “Naw,” Cecile said, staring down at her ring.  “You go off on your adventure.  I’ve got my own.”

 

 


 

A Chance Meeting With